For When You are Tempted to not Like Your Kids

 

A dear friend asked me to blog about what to do on the days when I didn’t like my kids.  Honestly, I couldn’t remember feeling that way.  I get frustrated with their bad behaviors and attitudes at times but generally I tend to see those things as areas where I need to train them and press on in hope that they are still young and that there is time to work with them.

Then there was yesterday!  This is for you Ingrid!

It was as if the floodgates of misery had been flung wide open and our home was full of tension and bad attitudes from the top {me} to the bottom {baby boy-who is no baby at 23 months}.  All of my usual strategies for stemming the flow of negativity were washed away in the torrent of prideful, angry arguments and disputes.

I know, you are all wanting to know what happened.   Knowing the human propensity for shocking and graphic stories, I will tell you.

I got up early for the first time in over a week as I had been battling a flu bug that laid me low for an entire week.  I did get up but was still tired.  Coffee helped but this old body just needs more than caffeine these days.

I know that things are going to be tough when my strong-willed 4-year old son gets up with the angry eyebrows on.  He can contort his sweet little face so that both eyebrows point upwards right in the center – it is a sobering sight to see.  He is a passionate child and so into ‘big boy Legos’ right now that from the moment he wakes up, he is at the boxes creating.  Trouble is, I’m pretty sure that ‘big boy Legos’ are designed for older boys and his little hands have trouble keeping up with his grand design schemes which leads to melt downs several times a day on average.  We are working with him because, well, he is being trained in patience and perseverance etc.

So the Strong-willed One emerges and has the angry eyebrows on and it just gets worse from there.  Baby Toddler Boy wants to have everything his big brother has and so there is this dance we do all day long – balancing sharing, respecting ownership, using words and teaching two little guys to treat each other as they would like to be treated – a concept probably a bit beyond their ability to comprehend.  It is exhausting at times.  But since a child left to themself brings shame to his mother – we persevere.  Creativity reigns supreme here.  Except when Mom is tired and detoxing from a rampaging virus that doesn’t want to let go.  Getting the picture?

My normally pleasant ‘little girls’ ages 7 and 8 could not have been born more different in personality.  The one is an organized, self-controlled and, well, pleasantly left-brained, happy-to-sit-and-read-all-day, just-like-mom kind of kid.  The other {though very sweet} is creative, messy, noisy and always planning her next great adventure.  They share a 10 X 10 bedroom and the majority of their toys.  I always knew that at some stage their personalities would clash.  They have thus far been patient with one another – working together for their greater good – having fun.  Not so yesterday.  More and more they are butting heads;  they are more easily annoyed and impatient with one another.  I try to guide their little souls into godly sisterhood.  Pride and stubbornness are ruling their days.  And, at times, mine.

Okay so the younger 4 are on this rollercoaster of being happy and content one minute and then freaking out and angry the next.

Now we arrive at the homeschool room, which also doubles as the family office.  My desk on one wall, my husband’s desk on the other and then behind me one long desk from wall to wall that houses our kids school computers.  Sounds cozy, right?  Hmmmm…

If you have been homeschooling for any amount of time, you may have experienced the Pre-Algebra blues.  These come when you are asked {all in one lesson mind you} to add, subtract, multiply, divide and convert  e v e r y t h i n g!  It is painful.  I am constantly reminding my middleschoolers that they could not shout out or cry in a classroom.  We all suffered through Pre-Algebra.  It is a character building experience.  Unfortunately, having two kids going through this at once is like playing tennis against a pro – constantly volleying, running from one desk to another, hitting words of wisdom, threats of consequences and explaining {just one more time!}

Oh, would you like to finish that blog Mom?  I think not.

Okay so now we have finished school for the day and I have to run a few errands before making dinner and getting everyone ready for evening Bible Study at church.  I am at the mail box store and eyeing the nail salon two doors down.  My nails look awful and could use the attention but I work backwards from our time of departure for church and I still haven’t deposited the kids’ Christmas checks from Grandma, so responsiblity rules the moment and I choose the bank over the salon.

Once home, I bite the bullet and grab my son’s Boy Scout shirts to begin the transfer of his badges and patches and what have you from the now too small shirt to the {OMG} mens size medium shirt.  I have put it off as long as possible – the Court of Honor {where all the scouts and families get together to award new badges etc.} is tomorrow night.  Feeling quite homemakerish and keeping an eye on the Lego box and the Barbie goings on down the hall, I settle in with my dollar store sewing kit.

How hard can sewing a few patches really be?  Uh huh.  Famous last words.  Between trying to thread a needle with my newly failing eye sight, to breaking cheap needles mid-stitch, to hopping up every 3.5 minutes to settle some squabble…  I am thinking of the lovely blogger, Ann Voskamp, and how she finds so much wisdom in the everyday goings on in her home and writes beautiful blogs to express these thoughts.  I am searching for sewing analogies and beginning to get a bit hot as I come up empty-handed.

Two hours later, my son reassuring me that it will be okay, I finish the job.  The Happy Homemaker I am not, despite getting an ‘A’ in Home Ec. in junior highschool.

It is 6 and I was going to try a new recipe tonight but now I can’t find it.  I am introducing my children to tofu.  {Who’s the stubborn one now?}  I grab a bottle of terriyaki sauce and get busy trying to create something yummy while the left-brained orderly daughter runs a bath for the little boys.  Kids are scurrying around in various stages of disobedience.  I am calling out {okay shouting} from the kitchen reminding everyone that we are going to be late if they don’t  h u r r y  u p!!

The scale is tipping to ugly when my overworked husband walks in the door from a long day at work completed by a longer commute.  Perhaps it is because I just wrote a blog on successful marriage from the wife’s point of view that the very next day my husband walks in to this hornets nest of hot and bothered mama.   The words from my blog are taunting me as I struggle to find my habit of gratitude and my keys to a successful marriage.

The girls are arguing again.  Creative 8-year-old has tickled orderly 7-year-old till she fell over and hurt herself and we are untangling the difference between ‘she was laughing’ to ‘she is not laughing now’.  And ‘you still need to say sorry even when it is an accident’.  There are protests that it was not an accident followed by even louder denials.  The clock is ticking and I am not liking my children very much at this moment.  A naked toddler screams through the house and I smell burnt tofu.

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Fast forward one day.  We have decided to take the day off and head to the beach.  Excited and with something to focus on besides themselves and their usual surroundings, they pack bags, check off their morning routines and load up the car with nary a cross word spoken.

No more angry eyebrows.

The quiet one gets some much needed space

{Nearly} naked toddlers are acceptable

I stood on the beach, watching my middleschool son and his friend push past the breakers to catch the waves;  pushing, struggling, with the tall chop threatening to drag them back to the beach and once they arrive at their desired destination – waiting for that perfect wave to ride to shore.

Here I find the analogy that I was looking for while stitching Boy Scout badges the other day.  The day when I was tempted not to like my kids.  Where my struggles threatened and I thought I might be overcome.  Surrender is not an option if I want to enjoy the fruit of a life well lived.  There are days {weeks even} that seem like a constant struggle.  Like the minute I stop pushing against the tide, we are all swept back to the shores of bad attitudes and pride.

There are times that we have to push.

And push some more.

There are days when we have to wait.

It is this perseverance that brings the reward.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.  Galatians 6:9

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews 12:1-3

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